well to be able to check against possible complications.
Confidence Cathy frowned at the thought: the doctor reassured her. And so they continued, with other. The conversation turned to other things. to Peter, to Cathy's job, the new cinenia, Jonathan Miller's The Body in Question, the social workers" strike (Cathy was in support, the doctor was ambivalent).
The more they talked the more Cathy lost any ense of how long she'd been there, or of the fact that it was her doctor she was enjoyine being with. When it was finally pointed out that Were bibeI patients waiting, Cathy impubively asked if she could return for a general check-up after the operation. Smiling, perhaps at the faint hint of pleading in Cathy" reguest, the doctor readily consented.
Returning home, Cathy felt more assured and confident than at any time since the pregnancy test. In the days leading up to the abortion he thoughts were no longer filled with the over-riding weight of the operation but more and more with the prospect of returning to the doctor's surgery. Her unexpected affinity with the doctor excited but confused ber. As affinity Peter's continued support - so important before — became increasingly superfluous.
Cathy's feelings of guilt at her isratitude towards him was compounded by the sense of exhilaration that surrounded her thoughts of the doctor. For the second time in a matter of weeks she was thrown back into introspection and self-doubt. How cold she be drawn Lo someone else after such a short meeting! After ail the support Peter had given ber? Especially when she was s000 to abort their child. Especially when it was ber doctor.
operation itself was almost brutally LIC clinical and efficient and she was glad when days he was even more considerate than usual, taking ber her favourile pubs and accommodating her most capricious whims. He even drove her to the second meeting with the doctor. She had tried, genuinely tried, not to positively look forward to this time, but without sucoese. The doctor appeared glad to see her again and carried out the routine check-up she had requested. As before, their meeting was relaxed and informal and Cathy felt, or thought she feit, the empathy growing between them. They talked of how Cathy had felt at the time of the operation; of how she felt now that it was over; of whether she had encountered any problems getting time off Medical matters dealt with, they talked again of other things. But nor Pic: Graveyard Graphics Cathy at least — of Peter. Once more uplifted, it was not until she was on the bus home that Cathy realised she had no arrangement and no excuse to see the doctor again.
For the next two weeks Cathy Filled her days with work, her evenings with friends and books, and her nights with unwanted dreams. Peter puzzled over her behaviour, attributing her oscillation between bouts of heavy drinking and hours spent in front of the fire with a novel to the after-effects of having an abortion. Cathy knew he accepted chis explanation, and because it was wrong she was happy that he did She was happier still that he couldn't see into the life she lived asleep, full of doctors but devoid of Peters, It was a kind of coping, but not much of a success at conquering Perhaps she should change her choice of novels: G contained too many truths, The Magus was too disorienting, Sometimes A Great Notion was amazingly powerful but made her life scem even more unsatisfactory, And The Diceman — well, The Diceman was all of those and more. Cathy wondered if she too might let the die decide. It did. Waiting alone for a friend in the lounge bar of'a smail Irish pub on the far side of town. the elaborate structures of her coping collapsed in on themselves as soon as the doctor walked in. At first unnoticed, Cathy seized the gift that simplified her own life.
The first morning she woke alone in the flat brought a card from the doctor. Would she attend the surgery at 2.30pm that afternoon? Initially unperturbed, the peculiarity of this gradually ie-awakened the tears of past months. Why was she being so urgently summoned?
She checked ber diary but knew she hadn't made an appointment. Was there a medical explanation? Was she ill" No, she'd passed the check-up after the operation with ease. It was too formal a way of reconnencing contact after a week apart, and she had already explained how she would have to stay away while Peter got used to the news. What else what other possibility unless... She'd thought the problems of doctor-patient relationships, the Hippocratic Dath and medical ethics, But surely? Cathy went to ber appointment that afternoon with greater trepidation than on her first visit The impregnation of Cathy's thoughts Into the pages of the Observer magazine was abruptly terminated by the brash call of the receptionist. "Miss Morgan? Cathy Morgan? "Yes?
Dr Judith will see you now."
Thank you As she rose and walked hesitantly towards the consulting room Cathy remembered hom comforting Judith's insistence on being callec "Dr Judith" had seetied three mobths before Much more than Dr Hart" or even 'Dr Judith Hart'. And now?
Socialist Challenge 31 May 1979 page 15
Socialist Challenge